From the mad scientists who brought you Powr SpüngZ, Bäkn StripZ, and CPAP BongZ, a new product you never knew you couldn't live without: NiTie-NiTe GlasseZ!

You're signed up for an ultramarathon, say your first 100 miler, that's going to demand overnight running. You plan, sensibly, to practice in the darkness, a new challenge. But your family and your work make it impossible to get away for large chunks of time between sunset and sunrise. What to do?

Just put on a pair of NiTie-NiTe GlasseZ at midday and start crusing! Our custom-made goggles use only the finest #14 welder's glass to turn noon to night. They produce a stygian darkness that you've gotta experience to believe. In the middle of your field of view you will see, as dimly as if lit by a headlamp with dying batteries, faint glimpses of the world in front of you.

Fall down? You bet! Stagger into trees? Fer sure! Get lost? No question! NiTie-NiTe GlasseZ gives it all to you—and more. Your friends will chortle as you stumble off course and wander aimlessly down the street. Each pair of NiTie-NiTe GlasseZ comes with a free time-lock-on headband to keep you from taking them off prematurely. Put NiTie-NiTe GlasseZ on and you're committed ... or you should be! Call now—operators are standing by.

^z - 2009-12-31